Loneliness After Moving Abroad: Why It Hits So Hard and How to Build Connection

Loneliness after moving abroad is extremely common, and it often hits harder than people expect. You can be surrounded by family, busy every day and living somewhere beautiful, and still feel completely alone. That is because loneliness is not about how many people are around you. It is about the gap between the connection you have and the connection you need.

This guide covers why loneliness abroad is so hard, why it matters for your health, and practical ways to build connection when you are starting from scratch.

Why loneliness abroad hits so hard

You left your whole network at once

At home, connection is spread across many people: the close friend, the neighbour, the colleague you vent to, the sister you call on the drive home. A move abroad removes most of them in one go. Video calls help, but time zones, busy schedules and the limits of a screen make them a partial replacement at best.

Making friends as an adult is slow

Most adult friendships are built through repeated, unplanned contact: the same office, school gate or gym. In a new country, you have to create those repeated contacts on purpose, often in a language you are still learning.

Your role may not give you a community

If you moved for a partner's job, they may have colleagues from day one. You may have no workplace, no built-in social circle and long, quiet days. This is a big part of trailing spouse syndrome.

Expat friendships come and go

International communities are often transient. Friends you finally get close to may move on after a year or two. Many people start to hold back from new friendships to protect themselves from another goodbye.

Language shapes connection

It is hard to be your full self in a language you are still learning. Small talk feels risky, humour gets lost, and conversations stay on the surface. I cover this in language barrier anxiety.

Why loneliness matters for your health

Loneliness is not a minor discomfort. The WHO Commission on Social Connection reports that 1 in 6 people worldwide experience loneliness, and links loneliness and social isolation to serious health effects, including depression and anxiety. The WHO describes loneliness as what happens when your relationships do not match what you want or need, which is exactly the situation many people face after a move.

If loneliness has started to affect your mood, sleep or motivation for weeks at a time, it is worth reading about the difference between homesickness and depression.

How to build connection after moving abroad

Create repeated contact on purpose

Friendships grow from seeing the same people again and again. Choose one or two activities that meet weekly, such as a class, a sports club, a choir, a volunteer shift or a language exchange, and commit for a few months. Consistency matters more than variety.

Say yes before you feel ready

Early on, most invitations will feel like effort. Accept more than feels natural for the first few months, especially to low-pressure things like coffee or a walk. You can be more selective once you have a base.

Be the one who invites

Many people in international communities are waiting for someone else to make the first move. Suggesting a specific plan ("Would you like to get coffee after class on Thursday?") is often welcomed.

Look for people in the same position

Accompanying partners, international parents and other newcomers often understand without explanation. Many cities have groups for internationals, both formal and informal, in person and online.

Mix international and local connections

Fellow expats can be a lifeline in the first year. Local friendships, even one or two, can help a place feel like home and make it easier to stay if your plans change.

Keep your roots alive

Schedule regular calls with the people who know you best. A standing weekly call is easier to keep than "we should talk soon."

Small connections count

A greeting with the person at the bakery, a chat with a neighbour, a familiar face at the pool. The NHS Every Mind Matters guide to loneliness suggests small steps like these, alongside joining groups around your interests and sharing how you feel.

Loneliness for partners in high-visibility lives

If your partner's career is public, demanding or full of travel, such as professional sport or senior leadership, loneliness can look different. You may be surrounded by people at events and still have no one you can be fully honest with. I write about this in more depth in life around someone else's career: identity and loneliness.

When to reach out for support

If loneliness has lasted for months, is affecting your mood or sleep, or has started to feel hopeless, talking to someone can help. Counselling gives you a place to be heard fully, and can help you work through the beliefs that make connection harder, such as "people don't want to be bothered" or "I'm only here temporarily, so what's the point."

Loneliness looks different at different stages of life

Loneliness after moving abroad doesn't look the same for everyone.

Accompanying partners without a workplace often face the longest, quietest days, especially in the first months. Building structure and a few repeated contacts each week makes a real difference.

Parents of young children may be surrounded by people all day and still feel very alone, because there is little time or energy for adult connection. School gates, parent groups and activities for children can double as places to meet other adults.

People without children can find it harder to meet locals, since many adult friendships in a new place form through schools. Clubs, classes, sports teams and volunteering are often the best routes.

People who work from home may have a job but no colleagues nearby. Co-working spaces and regular in-person activities can fill that gap.

People in mid-life or later may find that others already have full social lives. Shared-interest groups and community organizations tend to be more welcoming than chance encounters.

Whatever your stage, the principle is the same: friendships form through repeated contact over time, so look for places where you will see the same people week after week.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to feel lonely after moving abroad?

Yes, very. Moving abroad usually means leaving most of your support network at once and starting over in an unfamiliar place, often in a new language. Loneliness is one of the most common challenges people describe in their first year.

How long does loneliness last after moving abroad?

It varies. For many people it eases as routines and repeated contacts build friendships over months. It can last longer if you have no daily structure, a big language gap or a community that moves on often. Taking active steps usually shortens it.

How do you make friends as an adult in a new country?

Choose a few activities that meet regularly and stick with them, accept invitations, suggest specific plans, and look for other newcomers. Friendships form through repeated contact over time, so consistency matters more than trying many things once.

Can loneliness cause depression?

Loneliness is linked to depression and anxiety, according to the WHO. Not everyone who feels lonely becomes depressed, but long-term loneliness is worth taking seriously, especially if your mood has been low for weeks.

Talk it through

Loneliness abroad is common, but you don't have to wait it out on your own. Book a free 30-minute consultation and we can talk about what has been hardest and what might help. Therapy is available to clients in Saskatchewan. If you live elsewhere, I offer transition coaching, which is not therapy. Sessions are virtual, in English or French, and the free consultation is where we work out which fits.