Your Partner Wants to Move Abroad for Work: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Say Yes

If your partner wants to move abroad for work, the most important thing you can do before saying yes is to have an honest conversation about what the move means for both of you, not only for their career. Relocation decisions often happen fast: an offer arrives, a deadline is set, and the conversation becomes all about logistics. The emotional and practical questions about the accompanying partner are easy to skip, and they are often the ones that matter most a year later.

These 20 questions will help you go in with your eyes open, whether the move is still an idea or already on the calendar.

Questions about each of you

1. What will each of us gain from this move, and what will each of us give up? Write your answers separately, then compare. The differences are the things to plan for.

2. If I leave my job or studies, what does that mean for my identity and independence? Losing a professional identity is one of the most common struggles for accompanying partners. I write about it in moved abroad for your partner's job and lost yourself.

3. What would a good life there look like for the partner who isn't moving for work? Be specific: a routine, a goal, a community, a project.

4. Am I allowed to work in the new country? Check the visa rules before you decide. Partner work rights vary hugely between countries. The Permits Foundation, a nonprofit that advocates for accompanying partners' right to work, is a useful starting point for understanding why this matters.

5. If I can't work, what will my days hold? Long, unstructured days are a major driver of low mood after a move.

Questions about money and fairness

6. Will both of us have access to money in our own name? Financial dependence can quietly shift the balance in a relationship.

7. How will we handle the loss of one income, if there is one?

8. What support does the employer offer the accompanying partner? Ask directly about language classes, career support, settling-in services or help with schools.

9. Who will carry the work of the move itself? Housing, schools, banking, paperwork and setting up a home are a large, often invisible job. Agree how it will be shared.

Questions about timing and the future

10. How long do we expect to stay?

11. What happens if it isn't working for one of us? Agree in advance on what would make you reconsider, and how you would decide.

12. Could another move follow this one? Some careers involve repeated relocations. How would each of you feel about that?

13. What are we hoping this move leads to in five years?

Questions about family

14. How will the move affect our children's schooling, friendships and language? My guide to moving abroad with kids covers what to expect.

15. Who back home might need us, and how will we handle that from a distance? Ageing parents or unwell relatives are a common source of worry and, later, of guilt. See expat grief: losing someone back home.

16. How often can we afford to visit home, and who will we see?

Questions about support and wellbeing

17. Who will we turn to when things get hard?

18. How will each of us build a social life there? Loneliness after moving abroad is one of the most common challenges, especially for the partner without a workplace.

19. How will we check in on how the move is going for each of us? Agree on a check-in at three and six months to talk honestly about how it is going.

20. Would we be open to getting support if one of us is struggling? A counsellor can help couples work through the strain of relocation. Deciding in advance that it is an option makes it easier to reach for.

How to have the conversation

Pick a calm moment, not the night before the deadline. Each of you write down your own answers first, then compare. Notice where your answers differ. Those differences aren't a reason to say no. They are the things to plan for.

Try to keep the conversation about both of your needs, not only the opportunity. If it starts to feel like a negotiation with a winner and a loser, step back and come at it again.

If you have already moved

Many people find a list like this after they have moved. That is fine. The questions are just as useful now. If something on this list is unresolved, it is never too late to talk about it, together or with support. If one of you is thriving and the other isn't, read moving abroad as a couple when one partner is struggling.

Frequently asked questions

What should I ask before relocating for my partner's job?

Ask about what each of you gains and gives up, whether you can work, money and independence, how long you will stay, what happens if it isn't working, children and family, and how you will each build support and a social life.

Should I move abroad for my partner's career?

Only the two of you can decide. It helps to be honest about the costs as well as the benefits, especially for the accompanying partner's identity, work and support network, and to agree on a plan for checking in after you move.

What if I don't want to move abroad but my partner does?

Try to understand what is driving each of your positions, explore options in between, such as a time-limited trial or a later move, and agree on how you will decide. Couples counselling can help when you feel stuck.

Can counselling help us decide whether to move?

Yes. A counsellor can help you both say what matters to you, listen to each other and make a decision you can both live with. I offer virtual couples sessions: therapy for couples in Saskatchewan, and coaching for couples elsewhere.

Talk it through

Sometimes the move is for everyone else. You're learning the rhythms of a new place, holding family life together, and trying to recognize yourself in the middle of it all.

I offer therapy to women and families in Saskatchewan, and transition coaching to clients living elsewhere. Wherever you're joining from, our conversations can make room for what this season has brought up and help you find your footing again. Sessions are virtual, in English or French.

Not sure what kind of support you're looking for? A free 30-minute consultation is a gentle place to start. We can talk about what's been weighing on you and whether working together feels like a good fit.